Staying Safe This Festive Season: Standing Together Against Violence

December in South Africa is supposed to be a time of rest, family, and celebration. Yet every year, police stats, shelters and helplines all report the same pattern: when the festive season kicks in, violence often does too – especially behind closed doors.

Gender-based violence (GBV) – violence directed at someone because of their gender – remains one of South Africa’s most urgent crises. Studies suggest that around one in three women have experienced physical or sexual violence in their lifetime, and many have experienced it from an intimate partner.

Research and government reports are clear: men are more often the perpetrators, and women and children are most often the victims. That doesn’t mean all men are violent – far from it – but it does mean men have a unique responsibility and opportunity to help change the story this holiday period.

Local and international research points to the same cluster of drivers during holidays:

• Financial pressure – year-end debt, school fees around the corner, and expectations about gifts and travel.
• Alcohol and substance use – heavier drinking at parties, taverns and shebeens is strongly linked to assaults and domestic violence. 
• Crowded homes and forced proximity – relatives returning home, people squeezed into small spaces, unresolved conflicts flaring up.
• Isolation from everyday support – schools, some workplaces, clinics and community services slow down or close, while stress goes up.

The Department of Social Development has specifically prepared the Gender-Based Violence Command Centre (GBVCC) for an expected rise in calls over the festive season – a recognition that this time of year is high risk.

Abuse can be subtle at first.

Warning signs that risk may escalate over the holidays include:

• Increasing control (checking a phone, monitoring movements, deciding who a partner may see).
• Explosive temper and threats (“You’ll regret this”, “You know what I’m capable of”).
• Jealousy and accusations with no basis.
• Destroying property (punching walls, breaking objects) as a way to intimidate.
• Heavy, unpredictable drinking or drug use, especially when stress is high.

If you recognise these patterns – in your relationship, a friend’s, or a family member’s – now is the moment to take them seriously, not after a crisis.

Domestic violence is rarely a one-off incident; it is usually a pattern of control and harm – physical, emotional, sexual, psychological or financial.

South African and global research shows:

• Many women experience violence from someone they know – often a current or former intimate partner.
• An older Gauteng study found that 51% of women reported experiencing GBV, while 76% of men in the sample admitted to perpetrating GBV at some point in their lives – a stark reminder of how normalised violence has become.

During December, shelters and helplines report more severe cases as violence escalates – sometimes after months or years of quieter but constant abuse.

Many women try to “keep the peace” to protect children or avoid ruining the holiday. That should never be their responsibility.

The responsibility lies with the person choosing to use violence – and with all of us to support safer choices.

These steps cannot guarantee safety, but they can reduce risk and improve options in a crisis.

1. Make a simple safety plan

• Identify safe routes and spaces. Know a quick way out of the house and a nearby safe place (trusted neighbour, friend, relative).
• Keep documents and essentials together. ID, passports, bank cards, medical cards, important numbers, a bit of cash – in a place you can grab fast.
• Agree on a code word. Share a simple phrase with trusted people (“Please check the pot” / “Is the spare key with you?”) that means “I need help – call me or the police.”
• Save emergency numbers on your phone under neutral names if needed (e.g. “Auntie L” instead of “Shelter Helpline”).

2. During a violent incident

If violence starts or you feel it’s about to:

• Prioritise getting to a safer space (a room with a door that opens to outside, or closer to the front door).
• Avoid the kitchen, garage or rooms with weapons if possible.

If you can safely call, use:

• SAPS emergency: 10111
• Cellphone emergency number: 112 (from any network).

If shouting might escalate danger, try to text or message someone you trust to call for help.

3. After an incident

• Consider medical care, even if injuries look “minor”. Internal injuries or concussion may not be obvious.
• Log what happened – dates, times, screenshots of threatening messages, photos of injuries – this can help later with protection orders or criminal cases.
• Reach out to a helpline or shelter (details at the end). Many can assist with counselling, legal processes and safe accommodation.

Most violence happens behind closed doors, but it often leaves traces that others can see or sense. If you’re worried about someone:

1. Check in gently and privately

Start with care, not interrogation:

• “You haven’t seemed yourself lately. I’m not here to judge, just to listen. Are you safe at home?”
• Believe what they tell you. Survivors are often minimised or blamed and may downplay the situation themselves.

2. Don’t force decisions, especially about leaving

Leaving an abusive partner can be the most dangerous time.

Instead of “You must leave,” try:

• “Whatever you decide, you don’t have to go through this alone. I can help you explore options.”

3. Offer practical help

• Keeping copies of important documents.
• Offering a safe place to keep an overnight bag.
• Looking up helplines or going with them to a clinic, police station or court for a protection order.

4. In an emergency

• If you hear serious violence and fear for someone’s life, call 10111 (or 112 from a cellphone) even if you’re not “100% sure” what is happening. 
• Give as much detail as you can: address, description of what you’re hearing, whether there are children present.

The data is blunt: gender-based violence in South Africa is overwhelmingly perpetrated by men, against women and children.

Naming that doesn’t mean attacking all men; it means recognising where the power to change things sits. Many men are already doing the work – supporting partners, challenging friends, raising sons differently. The festive season is a powerful time to double down on that.

Here are concrete ways men can help curb violence over the holidays:

1. Look honestly at your own behaviour

• Notice patterns: Do you shout, slam doors, punch walls, threaten to leave or withhold money when angry?
• Pay attention to how alcohol changes you. If you become louder, more aggressive or more controlling when drinking, that’s a risk factor – not a personality quirk. 
• If a partner or ex has ever said they are afraid of you, take that seriously. Reach out for help early – through counselling, faith leaders or helplines that support everyone, not only victims.

2. Challenge harmful talk in your circles

Violence doesn’t start with a punch; it often starts with the way people speak about women and power.

• Shut down “jokes” that normalise hitting partners, forcing sex, or controlling what women wear and do.
• When friends brag about “putting her in her place,” respond with a clear boundary:

“That’s not okay, and it’s not something to be proud of.”

• Talk openly with male friends about stress, mental health and money pressure. Being honest about struggle is one way to avoid taking it out on others.

3. Show up differently at home

• Share the invisible load: cooking, cleaning, childcare, elder care, planning family visits. Overloaded women under pressure are more vulnerable and have fewer options to leave unsafe situations.
• Model respect in front of children – especially boys. What they see at home becomes their template for adult relationships.

4. Step in safely when you see worrying behaviour

• If a friend is getting aggressive with a partner at a braai or tavern, distract and de-escalate (“Come outside, I need to talk to you”; suggest leaving; move other people and children away).
• If it looks dangerous and you can’t safely intervene, call for help (10111 / 112) and provide details. You’re not “interfering”; you’re helping prevent harm.

Harmful behaviour can change – but only if it’s acknowledged.

If you recognise yourself in any of this:

• Talk to someone you trust and be honest about what’s happening.

• Avoid alcohol and drugs when you feel stressed or angry.

• Ask a doctor, EAP, union rep, HR team or community clinic about referrals to counsellors or programmes that work with men who use violence.

• You can also contact helplines like Stop Gender Violence, which support everyone in South Africa dealing with abuse – including people who are afraid they may hurt someone.

Stopping violence is not about shame; it’s about responsibility and repair.

These services operate nationally and remain available over the festive season:

If you or someone else is in immediate danger:

Police emergency (SAPS): 10111

Cellphone emergency: 112 (free from any network)

Ambulance / medical emergency: 10177

Gender-Based Violence Command Centre (GBVCC) – 24/7

• Phone: 0800 428 428
• USSD “Please Call Me”: 1207867#
• SMS: send “help” to 31531
• Skype (for people who are deaf or hard of hearing): Helpme GBV

Stop Gender Violence Helpline (LifeLine SA) – 24/7, call & WhatsApp

• Phone / WhatsApp: 0800 150 150

National Shelter Helpline (for safe accommodation)

• Phone: 0800 001 005

Counselling and mental health support

• LifeLine South Africa counselling line
• Phone: 086 132 2322 (or local LifeLine centres listed on their website)

Children and young people

• Childline South Africa
• Phone: 116 (free from any network)

These services support all genders. While this article focuses on the disproportionate impact of violence on women, anyone experiencing abuse deserves safety, dignity and help.

Violence over the festive season is not “just how it is.” It’s a pattern created by choices, stressors and social norms – and that means it can be changed by different choices, better support, and communities that refuse to look away.

If this article lands in front of you at the right moment – whether you are at risk, worried about someone, or worried about yourself – the most important step is the next one: reach out, speak up, and don’t carry it alone.